Sickneeesssss...brah.

So Jen and I are both sick. I would definitely rather be eating a burrito than be sick.

Does no one have an opinion on a pizza burrito? I'm going to open a pizza restaurant that serves no actual pizzas, but pizza versions of everything else. Pizza bagels, pizza dogs, pizza burgers, pizza burritos, pizza tortas, pizza tacos, pizza sushi, pizza stew, pizza meatloaf sandwiches, chicken fried pizza and eggs, pizza taquitos, pizza hot pockets, pizza casarole, pizza on a stick (or pizza corn dog), pizza falafles and of course pizzones. Pizza calzones. Man will you be sorry that I started this super famously popular restaurant and you can't even get a table cause of all the people that believe in my ideas. That will be the day. Yes. That day. You know.

Pizza Burrito?

I am wasting time right now. Actually, that's a half truth. I feel like I am wasting time right now. I am sitting in a cubicle infested office waiting for someone to tell me that I can go home. The table that I am writing on is littered with the remains of a snowman building project (I assume that today is some sort of "take your kid to work day" day). The air conditioning, while keeping the room at a comfortably neutral temperature, is wheezing like the cabin pressure of a 747. You know, that sound you hear when you first get on a plane and you think, Damn, I will never be able to ignore this whistling, breathing, annoying sound, but then you have a few screwdrivers topped off with a bottle of Uncle Carlo Chard and you totally pass right out with your headphones supplying your dreams with the dialog from "Monster In Law". That's what it sounds like.

Hey, maybe it's white noise. I don't know. But I can't hear much conversation. Which is a plus. Ok.

I would so rather be eating a burrito. Would anyone be opposed to a pizza burrito? I mean, meatball subs are pretty much pizza sandwiches, right? And everyone loves pepperoni hot pockets. What about pizza bagels? Awesome of course. And pizza taquitos from 711? That's right. They are awesome. Pizza dogs are awesome too. Pizza burritos are the next step. Take this step with me.

Clarification

Just the other day, Jen and I made the choice to spend an entire day watching TV shows on the computer. When I say that this was a choice that was made, what I really mean is that we felt too crappy to get off the couch. So there we sat. Or rather lay. Not doing too much. Enjoying Jason Bateman's charmingly despondent yet biting wit as we careened our way through the last disc of the second season of Arrested Development.
Around lunch time, Jen made a strangely articulate request for bean and cheese burritos. The task of attaining these burritos fell on me because I had left less of my brain at Kyle's house the night before. I told Jen that I would gladly get her these burritos. Like her, I'd have rather been eating a burrito.
Now the big dilema. Do I drive the mile to Taco Bell or the 4 miles to Del Taco. While this may not seem like a difficult choice to some, you must remember that I was feeling a bit sluggish and I was leaving behind my immobile wife. Speed was more of a consideration than usual. With all that in mind, I chose Taco Bell.
What the hell is wrong with Taco Bell?!
I will tell you.
Pepsi owns Taco Bell (notice that it's the only fast food place that insists on punishing it's customers with Pepsi).
Taco Bell is to Del Taco what Pepsi is to Coke. The over eager, hyperactive, pooka shell necklace and way too much gel wearing, pudgy little brother. Everything that Taco Bell serves has some sort of sauce in it to make it seem more....I don't know. Shitty. I think that's the word.
Anyhow. After devouring these burritos (how do you screw up a b&c burrito?), Jen and I decided that we wouldn't, in fact, rather be eating a burrito. At least not one from Taco Bell.

Rosh Hashanah

So today is Rosh Hashanah and for myself, and others employed by the Los Angeles Unified School District, this means a day off of work!

I know what you're thinking. Patterson's not a Jewish name. Perhaps you're thinking, "I didn't realize that so many of the Lord's Chosen People worked for the Los Angeles Unified School District." And I'm sure some haters out there are thinking "Patterson's selling out just to get a day off. What a seller." While there may be truth to some of these, I assure you, Patterson is not a Jewish name.

To celebrate Rosh Hashanah (I looked up the spelling in the dictionary) I spent the day making phone calls to various financial institutions regarding various accounts that Jen and I hold. For a little excitement I traveled to the Best Buy in Burbank to trade in a derelict printer that I discovered on the curb in front of my house. While I wasn't able to do this due to my lack of a power cable (I was told that I would only get $1 for the trade anyhow), I was able to visit a Mc Donalds and use some recently received coupons to buy my lunch. I received these coupons as a result of a complaint I filed with the Mc Donalds corporation. What, you may ask, do I have to complain to Mc Donalds about? A couple of weeks ago I was feeling rather hungry leading up to my school's annual open house celebration. I drove a few blocks down Figueroa to the Mc Donalds on Avenue 28. Now, because the Patteren is on a budget, I figured I would only order a double cheeseburger and a Mc Chicken sandwhich. Not a fancy order by any means, but my perfered dinner none the less. Apparently the employees at this particular Mc Donalds have a difficult time discerning between a chicken patty and a hamburger patty. Additionally, it would appear that their training did not include a course on the difference between a cheeseburger and a double cheeseburger.

Sad to say, by the time I realized the short comings of these noble members of the fast food industry, it was too late. My Mc Chicken sandwhich consisted of a bun, lettuce, mayo and a tiny hamburger patty. My double cheeseburger, while containing an ample supply of cheese, was lacking in patties (1 not the recommended 2). While I don't really consider myself an instigator, I definitely felt that this deserved a complaint. And so, to make a long, and slightly inconsequential, story short, I complained, earning me 2 free large sandwhiches at any Mc Donalds in this country. Pretty sweet if you ask me.

While this particular post doesn't reference eating burritos, I feel that my preference for eating a burrito instead of going to Best Buy, Mc Donalds, work, eating Mc Donalds, complaining, open house celebrations or calling various financial instutions should already be understood by those who know the Patterjen.

I'd rather be eating a burrito.

How many times can you honestly say that you wouldn't rather be eating a burrito than be doing whatever it is you're doing. I'd venture to say 1 out of hundred times a day. I know that's how I feel. I am afraid that rating all of the minutes of my day on the basis of how they compare to me eating a burrito will end up being very depressing. I mean think about it. Sitting in traffic. Getting a key made. Buying stamps. Sitting at work. Eating any number of things that are not a burrito. These are the activities that make up a normal day, and just thinking about how much they could be improved with the simple addition of me (insert yourself here) eating a burrito makes me wonder if I'm really living life to it's fullest. Burrito fullest. Chew on that. Unless you'd rather be chewing on a burrito.
Mmmm...