So, I kind of feel that I am going on and on like a retired person about my voice problem. I will stop.

Right now I'm sitting in a training session for an intervention English language program. It's just about as fun as it sounds. On second thought, it is loads of relative fun. It's like this. I hate being here. The people are annoying and complain far too often. The activities that we participate in are tedious and the room is lit with flourescent lights and filled with recycled air. I find myself grinding my teeth. However, you must keep in mind that I did not have to go to work on Monday and seeing as this training is taking place Thursday and Friday, I'm looking at a two day work week. Work meaning actual time spent in the classroom. With students.

So I suppose I am enjoying myself. I've read some record reviews. I've readjusted my netflix queue. I've bought a song on itunes. I've posted some blogs/comments. All in all, something of a break in exile. Yes.

Additionally, it appears that a Hamilton appearance in Primm is a possibility. Intriguing and the makings of an epic weekend to be sure.

More talking.

So my genius doctor's brilliant plan for my strained voice has proven to be completely worthless. I spent three days not speaking and drinking tons of water (often mixed with 1/2 tons of vodka) and at the end of it all, my voice is as bad as ever. It's kind of sad because I was really hoping that this would work. Now I'll be traveling back to the hospital and hopefully seeing someone with a slightly better idea.

One of the side effects of this experiment is a strange, lingering feeling of hesitation to answer any questions people ask me before about 8:30 in the morning. As the day goes on, I'll respond freely, but those first few questions make me nervous. I keep feeling like I'm not actually supposed to be talking and I panic a little as I try to figure out how to communicate without using words. It's kind of weird.

So I haven't been talking for the past two days. As you can probably imagine, this has been driving me insane. The strange thing to me is noticing how often other people are talking. I have been watching some tv shows and I get really anxious watching the characters talk to each other. For some reason I seem to feel that they are also not allowed to talk and will be ruining their voices if they do. Weird.

Now I have occasionally slipped up. Jen will ask me a question and I will just go ahead and answer her. Not talking is a very conscious effort.

Yesterday we went to Ikea, which I would normally hate. I did hate Ikea, but recently a trip there has taken on new meaning. There is now a Chipotle restaurant near by. So I tested to see if I would rather eat a burrito than talk. Turns out while a burrito definitely improves the situation, it is definitely no substitute for talking. So I have discovered a scenario in which I would actually not rather be eating a burrito. It was a really good burrito too.

Last night we went out for Pat's birthday. It was lots of fun. We started at his house then hit the Red Lion, then crossed the street to Cha Cha. I found that since I wasn't spending my time talking, I had a lot more time to drink. And I got very drunk. Which was ok. It made my pantomimed communications all the more entertaining.

I'll talk to you later.

So I have been having a problem for the last several months. For those of you reading this that may have had the rare opportunity to speak to me in person, you may be familiar with my malady. You may have confused it with a simple "coming of age" or a vain attempt to sound more masculine and tough. Perhaps you thought that I've simply been sick for several months.

None of these are true. I visited the doctor today, and it turns out, I just talk too g-d much. Apparently, I have been straining my vocal cords (chords?). How? I suppose through teaching. Now, before you jump to any conclusions, I don't yell at my students. I very calmly tell them that they should stop being absolute failures and start acting like an effing normal person!

Well, that's actually not true. I do occasionally have to raise my voice to communicate over the shouting of approximately 30 8th graders, though, and that has made my once beautiful voice strained and gravely. I am constantly hoarse and suffer from occasional total losses of voice altogether.

All this to say, I will be talking to you later. I have been ordered to stop speaking for 72 hours. I will begin this verbal fast on Saturday the 11th of February, ending it on Monday the 13th. How will I accomplish this task? Truthfully? I don't know. I like talking. A lot. I could be accused of having a rather big mouth. Somehow I must prevail.

If you're thinking of dropping me a line, go ahead and write an email or send a text message. I won't be calling you back. If you're having a party, don't be afraid to invite me and Jen. She can still talk and I can still drink up all the Henesey you got on your shelf.